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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  KNTV  April 3, 2020 1:03am-2:04am PDT

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an all new "closer look. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: welcome to "late night. how's everybody doing? wondering if soy sauce goes good on a rice cake yeah, me too in that case, let's get to the news according to a new report, more americans are watching daytime game shows while under stay-at-home orders. like this new one where governors compete to flatter a man so they can win a ventilator during a press conference yesterday about the coronavirus pandemic, president trump claimed he just found out he was, quote, "number one on facebook." cool brag, dude. that's like saying you have the best-selling vhs tape right now. who are you beating out, fonda you got jane fonda's number? in a press conference yesterday about the coronavirus pandemic, president trump claimed that his administration, quote, "inherited bad tests" to detect
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the virus. man, he will stop at nothing to blame this pandemic on other people we're one press conference away from him calling it the obama virus. "the obama virus, or as it's also known the obama hussein virus. infectious diseases expert and coronavirus task force member dr. anthony fauci has reportedly been assigned a security detail after receiving threats. threats like stop contradicting me or else the governor of georgia said yesterday that he just learned in the last 24 hours that asymptomatic people can transmit the coronavirus. so he's probably three weeks out from learning what asymptomatic means. massachusetts received 1 million face masks today for health care workers that were delivered from china on the new england patriots' private plane. meanwhile, the jets' private plane was intercepted and returned for a touchdown that's matt goldich, if you're an angry jets fan watching this. congresswoman alexandria ocasio-cortez on
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tuesday criticized new york governor andrew cuomo's decision to suspend mortgage payments but not rent during the coronavirus and accused him of giving preferential treatment to the wealthy. ironically, she lives rent-free in a lot of wealthy people's heads. after suspending the basketball season due to the coronavirus, the nba is reportedly planning to launch a players-only nba 2k videogame tournament and will broadcast the games on espn. wait, that's on espn jesus, what's on espn 2? antiques road show florida governor ron desantis issued a stay-at-home order yesterday to stop the coronavirus. now? you're just doing that now what are you going to do next, put life preservers on the "titanic"? make a new year's resolution seriously, what took you so long your beaches are where's waldo incidentally, we found him he's at the hospital according to new reports, sales of more comfortable wireless bras are up 40% since the start of the coronavirus, while some people are opting to go
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completely braless damn, dude what is that all about at least throw on a sweatshirt when the pizza guy shows up. seriously, my man, what's going on under your shirt? "friends" episodes have less prominent nipples. the craft store chain hobby lobby is reportedly fighting to be classified as an essential store so it can be open in states with stay-at-home orders. oh, come on. you literally have the word "hobby" in your name hobbies are the definition of non-essential. unless your hobby is doing 1,000 piece puzzles or baking bread. that's pretty much all instagram has left at this point if those go away it's over a seafood restaurant on long island has named a dish after infectious disease expert and coronavirus task force member dr. anthony fauci, which features linguine in a white clam sauce they also have a dish named after trump where you order 30,000 fried shrimp and then a month later they bring you three fish sticks.
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meanwhile, staten island is honoring dr. fauci by naming all their sons anthony for the last 200 years. today was international children's book day, though some of them had to be updated because of the pandemic. and finally, thanks to a new changes in liquor laws, new york cities are now allowed to deliver cocktails to people's homes as long as they're sold with food. said new yorkers, "yeah, i'll take 20 margaritas and a french fry. we've got a great show for you tonight. seven years ago we started our program. there was only one person we'd have as a first guest. that was amy poehler she's back tonight and she'll be joining us right after a closer look. hello and welcome back to our makeshift studio in an attic crawlspace so far we've migrated from the hallway to the garage to the living room to the attic and you may be wondering what's that little door behind me is it where we keep our camping gear or is it a door to another dimension? and how about that tiny chair? is it for my kids or is that where the attic hobbit smokes
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his pipe and reminisces about the battle of the five armies? i'm sorry to say, i'll never tell now, we're all bracing for a very difficult few weeks or months. but there are things the federal government could be doing right now to help us get through this. instead the president has essentially abdicated his responsibility and left the states up to themselves. for more on this it's time for "a closer look." ♪ >> seth: a pandemic like this requires a centralized federal response you know how republicans always complain about big government? well, how sweet would a big government be right now? because i don't know about you, but this tiny government stuff sucks. it's like being on the top floor of a burning building but instead of a catch net, the firemen show up with a little workout trampoline feels like right now we've largely been left to fend for ourselves. for example, for weeks we were told that masks don't work and that we shouldn't wear them. now all of a sudden the cdc is considering recommending mask you might want answers about
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what you should be doing to protect yourself and others and why the government is changing its position instead the best advice the president could offer on tuesday was this >> you know, you can use a scarf. a scarf is -- everybody -- a lot of people have scarves and you can use a scarf. a scarf would be very good i would say do it. but use a scarf if you want. i mean, most people have scarves and scarves are very good. >> seth: oh, great so now the president is martha stewart "using a blanket, a bike helmet and some saran wrap you can make your own hazmat suit homemade pretty great." but it's true. most people do have scarves and no one has more scarves than lenny kravitz. so breathe easy, everyone. lenny kravitz is in the clear. i mean, obviously the man has been preparing for this moment his entire life. i mean, look at that not only can he use that scarf, he can share it with two other people while maintaining a six-foot difference. now, it's true, there is evidence that wearing a mask or some other kind of face covering, even something rudimentary, can prevent asymptomatic spread of the
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disease. you can wear a bandanna, you can wear a cloth just don't be a guy who wears a jason mask i mean, one, it's freaky and two, it literally has holes. jason, come on, man, that mask is not approved by the cdc haven't you killed enough people, jason? now, the president could have gone into detail about that or any other number of other important issues during his briefing on wednesday. but instead he chose to brag about this >> did you know i was number one on facebook? i mean, i just found out i'm number one on facebook i thought that was very nice >> seth: what the [ bleep ] are you talking about, man you're in the middle of a deadly pandemic and you're bragging about how popular you are on facebook first of all, of course you're popular on facebook. it's the preferred method of communication of drunk aunts and people who still own flip phones being number one on facebook is like, i don't know, having the number one album in belgium. i mean, good for you, i guess. but your album probably sucks. and by the way, that's not even true you only have 28 million
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followers on facebook. barack obama has 53 million. i wish someone would point that out to trump because it would annoy the hell out of him. he'd force the cdc to update its coronavirus guidelines one, stay home, two, wash your hands. three follow donald trump on facebook but stay six feet away from barack obama. "we've heard he's facebook friends with tom hanks so his page definitely, definitely has it now. the thing we're currently enduring and the months of hardship ahead, we're not inevitable hundreds of thousands of people dying, a national lockdown that has disrupted daily life, none of that had to happen. i mean, just look at countries that managed to successfully contain the crisis countries much closer to china, the source of the outbreak like taiwan. >> taiwan is just off the coast of mainland china. millions travel between taiwan and the chinese mainland johns hopkins university had predicted that taiwan would have the second most covid-19 cases in the world but today there are 80 countries and territories with more than taiwan's 329 cases
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>> taiwan has succeeded at containing covid-19 starting at arrival. the first step taiwan took was identifying possible cases lee told authorities she'd had a cough in the last two weeks. so security escorted her to secondary screening. she had her temperature taken like this woman, and she got a covid-19 test at the airport taiwan uploads these results into its national health care database after her bags were disinfected, her ride home was in a government provided taxi by herself. one phone app allows taiwan residents to find stores with masks in stock another app provides information on all of those who are covid-19 positive, where they've been and their case histories >> seth: holy [ bleep ]. give you a ride home, an app that tells you where t masks and you get six months of showtime free of charge. quarantine yourself and don't come out until you've watched every episode of "shameless. that's certainly better than what our government is doing compare that to when you arrive
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at an airport in the u.s the closest anyone comes to taking your temperature is when a tsa agent gives you a full cavity search because accidentally packed a bottle of shampoo that was larger than 3.4 ounces or if you don't want to look at taiwan, take iceland, another country that's using advanced strategies to track and isolate cases of coronavirus including detective work >> for the past few weeks detective guesster polmanson has been chasing down leads and pursuing suspects. he's on the hunt for covid-19, where he and dozens of other detectives are tracking every single case of coronavirus in the country. >> as quickly as we can we have to reach everyone that might have been in contact with someone who's positive and try to stop them before they get in contact with more people >> seth: they literally have detectives tracking down cases not only is than effective method for containing the disease, it's also a great premise for a netflix crime drama starring kenneth branagh as detective guesster polmanson. "hey, kenneth, so excited to be working with you
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have you worked on an icelandic accent?" "i think i'd just use my british accent." "yeah no, but it takes place in iceland, so everyone will have an icelandic accent. "no, i think everyone else should be british too. "yeah, but kenneth, won't that be weird?" "sorry, friend those are the kenny branagh rules. and that was an extended bit for people who have seen bbc's production of the swedish crime drama "wallander." hey, the attic shows are going to have some deep cuts, everybody. thems the rules. one of the biggest takeaways of iceland's approach is that by aggressively testing everyone they've been able to avoid having to lock down their entire country the way we've had to >> it's very important to test very aggressively. we put those who test positive in isolation and we do contact tracing very aggressively also. we put all contacts in quarantine and it's interesting that more than half of those who we are diagnosing now are actually in quarantine when they're
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diagnosed, which means our policy of quarantine is probably very effective in minimizing the epidemic >> this has allowed authorities here to delay the closure of bars and restauran some stores remain open. people still walk the streets and explore the great outdoors >> seth: they still get to go outside. and their outside is awesome they have lagoons and volcanoes. the closest thing we have to a lagoon here in the u.s. is disney's typhoon lagoon, and that thing is germ city. they should call it typhoid lagoon so in iceland they get to go outside. meanwhile, in new york to go outside you have to wrap your head in scarves and swerve into the street to keep a distance of six feet from people on the sidewalk at this point, you're better off just hitching a ride on the back of a garbage truck new yorkers aren't used to avoiding people. they're used to bumping into people that's why the line to "midnight cowboy was "hey i'm walking here," not, "hey, i'm trying to maintain a distance of at least six feet here.
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and then there's south korea, which had its first case on the exact same day that we had our first case they deployed massive nationwide testing to track and contain the spread of the disease. as fox news found out on wednesday when they invited a doctor on who was much more critical of the trump administration than they were probably expecting >> now, what we hear every night is that the tests, that there are millions of tests available. and yet we don't have that pinprick blood test you can get, you know, at your local doctor and know in 15 minutes but they're working on it. >> yeah, they're working on it they should have been working on it for months. so the fact is we knew about this from the w.h.o. when? december 31st, 2019. so last year we knew about this. we needed this months ago. you look at korea, korea - south korea and the u.s. had their first official confirmed case on the same date. january 19th let me say this. january 19th you look at what south korea did and what we did. their population is 1/6th of ours
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look at the cases they have. look at the mortality they have. it's a trifle compared to what we're dealing with right now because we've had a very weak response and they had a really strong response. >> seth: oh, man fox news viewers never hear that kind of real talk. you asked the wrong doctor that's like asking your weird uncle if santa's real. "not only is he not real, he's just a construct of consumerist designed to melt your brains before you learn to think for yourself anyway -- ho, ho, ho i got you some scratchers. also, i love how long he shakes his head while she's repeating trump's talking points they should put that guy on a box on the screen during all of trump's press briefings. >> this is like a flu. this is like a flu >> seth: so south korea's contained the outbreak with aggressive testing meanwhile, here in the u.s., our president said in a conference call with governors, he hadn't even heard about problems with testing. >> do you have any system in place that you feel can adequately identify cases and isolate them
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and contact trace them are there capabilities and resources there that's not something you can do given with what you have? ting to do conta from the cdc, that we wouldn't be able to do testing in montana. >> we don't have enough supplies to do the testing. >> tony, you can answer if you want, but i haven't heard about testing in weeks i haven't heard about testing being a problem. >> seth: if you haven't heard about testing being a problem, then you need to get tested to see if you have a problem. like a hearing test or a vision test i mean, maybe trump just can't read his briefings look at him. whenever he reads off a teleprompter he looks like he just finished 15 rounds with apollo creed and now that we've failed at testing, we have to massively ramp up hospital capacity, something the trump administration is also failing at
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for example, hospitals desperately need life-saving ventilators. and yet the president doesn't even know what they're called. >> we sent thousands of generators to new york the people in new york never distributed the generators >> seth: ventilators they're called ventilators having this guy in charge is like sending your grandpa to gamestop to pick up video games. "i need the new line of duty for the x station playbox. also now's not the time to send your grandpa to gamestop, you coward "just go, grandpa. you'll be safe." trump doesn't even know what ventilators are called "here are the emergency ventriloquists you guys asked for. "actually, we said ventilators." "i told you he said ventilators, you dummy. "i'm not the dummy you're the dummy." "why, i oughta!" now, trump should have used his powers under the defense production act to order companies to make ventilators weeks ago but he's only done it once during this pandemic even though his administration apparently used it repeatedly before this.
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"the new york times" reported that the defense production act has been invoked hundreds of thousands of times in the trump years. but with the pandemic, the president sees it as a break the glass last resort. hey, man it's time to break the glass it was time to break the glass weeks ago. of course, knowing trump, if he does have one of the break the glass in case of emergency boxes in the white house it's probably not a fire alarm but a -- you know, like an emergency chicken wing and they probably have hundreds of them on the wall because he breaks one every five minutes. "sir, if you want a chicken wing you can order it from the chef." "i didn't have time. it was an emergency. so now we have a situation where states are begging for life-saving ventilators and the trump team is in disarray. the pentagon says it still hasn't sent ventilators but they haven't been told where to send them and the "new york times" reported that thousands of ventilators in the stockpile don't work because the government let the contract to maintain the stockpile lapse last summer. so now governors are literally
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outbidding each other on the open market and dealing with shady middlemen and price gouging to buy ventilators wherever they can get them >> every state does its own purchasing so new york is purchasing. california's purchasing. illinois is purchasing we're all trying to buy the same commodity. literally the same exact item. so you have 50 states competing to buy the same item we all wind up bidding up each other and competing against each other where you now literally will have a company call you up and say, well, california just outbid you it's like being on ebay with 50 other states bidding on a ventilator >> it's the wild west. and these are crazy markets and you get a lot of bad actors. >> it's more like surge pricing on uber, only at the last minute the car drives away because somebody has outbid you. >> seth: that's right. governors are comparing buying life-saving ventilators for a
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pandemic to surge pricing. this is capitalism at its while trump waits for the market to decide, people are literally going to die and states are getting ripped off like they're frying to call an uber in the rain in midtown after a broadway show. and even worse, the ventilators come with a driver who won't stop trying to make conversation even though you're very clearly trying to take a nap and you'll never guess who's in charge of this [ bleep ] show. the guy slenderman has nightmares about jared kushner. that's right the real slim shady has been put in charge of the ventilator problem. and after new york governor andrew cuomo said publicly his state need 3arently kuschner pushed back. kushner told people that cuomo is being an alarmist "i have all this this data about icu capacity i'm doing my own projections and i've gotten a lot smarter about this new york doesn't need all the ventilators. oh, oh you're doing your own projections. did your parents just buy you a ti-84? you're not qualified to do anything, let alone tell
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new york how many ventilators they need. you're a nepotism case and you only got the white house job because you married into the family and because the security guards believed your fake i.d. "you are good to go, mr. cowboy. and hey, give that virus hell for us." i hope when the time for accountability comes, we can all remember that it didn't have to be like this other countries responded to this pandemic with competence and they avoided the worst now we're bracing for an unimaginable tragedy and as we speak, the president is leaving besieged states and hospitals to fend for themselves putting lives at risk. but hey, at least -- >> most people have scarves. >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ we'll be right back with amy poehler. ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks" be sure to subscribe to "late night" on
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♪ >> seth: hey, everybody. this is so exciting. our next guest is an emmy winner, a golden globe winner. you know her from "parks and rec. she used to carry me on her back on "weekend update" on "saturday night live." it's our very good friend amy poehler, everybody
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>> hi, everybody hey, seth. >> seth: hi. how are you? >> i'm great the world is - >> well, i heard though you did have a really interesting project you wanted to share with us that's happening right outside your window. >> yeah. you know, now it doesn't feel like the time to promote anything that people are working on but i do have one project that i'm really excited to talk to you guys about i mean, i produced it. but i feel like it was the birds that really took it over the top. >> seth: the birds >> a bird's nest >> seth: oh, there's a bird's nest >> yes and i sent you guys a picture. >> seth: here we are we're looking at the photo now and it is just beautiful >> i mean, you can't really tell -- you can't really see the birds because they won't let me get close to them. because they're very temperamental artists. >> seth: yeah. >> but, yeah hoping we sell it to nestflix. [ laughter ] i'm going crazy!
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well, this is all the erotica i've been writing during quarantine these are all my - >> a book a day, right you're writing a book of erotica a day. >> my libido's so high and i've got to get it out so just a book a day and i made - >> seth: well, this is -- because this is the future of intimacy, we'll be reading erotica, right people are never going to touch each other ever again. >> that's right. you're just going to be -- you're going to sit on a park bench and someone else will sit on the park bench. and you'll read the erotica you wrote. and you'll just stare at each other from, like, a mile away. >> seth: it's going to be like 17th century romance from now on for everybody. just, like, glances. >> yeah, just, like, tiny -- like, ankles and face masks dropping >> seth: have you seen "a portrait of a lady on fire"? have you seen that movie yet >> i haven't yet i can't wait to see it >> seth: >> a lot of face masks >> seth: like, there is, like, like, just through, like, netting. >> you know that there's
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definitely people out there right now that are like, "this is my kink." like, "hooray. >> seth: oh, you mean like someone's kink is never getting within six feet of anybody >> yeah. there's got to be somebody that's like i like to wash my hands and, like, not touch anybody. and wear face masks and gloves and be scared. i don't know >> seth: right and do you think they're, like, having to pretend, like, "oh, this is such a bummer for me." but in the back of their head they're like, "aye, aye, aye, aye. >> "finally. or maybe they're mad that all the basic people are doing it. >> seth: yes, that's true. but i do -- don't you feel bad for kids who have to date? like, dating is not -- like, impossible >> yes i feel like there's so much pressure like, you know how it used to be, you know, "will you go to the prom with me?" like, that was the big ask now it's going to be like, "do you want to quarantine with me?" >> seth: yeah. >> will you spend two weeks, an uninterrupted two weeks with me, and watch me do my laundry it's - >> well, i do think that will
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lead to maybe not as good a relationship but a more honest relationships. >> yeah, i mean, i will give the credit to where it's due, which is mike scully, the writer mike scully, who writes on "duncanville," a show that is on right now if you wanna watch he coined the term quaran-tweened >> seth: quaran-tweened, i love it >> which is -- i love it and that's what's happening to me right now i'm quaran-tweened so i have children who are not quite young enough to not, you know, be anxious or need to learn schoolwork but not quite old enough to be able to do anything for themselves or, you know, do any chores really >> do you have any tips for parents who are home schooling mine are too young but it doesn't matter what i do now. >> yeah, it doesn't matter it's great i don't know i find it fascinating that we found yet another way to shame working mothers right now. and working fathers. don't get me wrong both parents are parenting right now. but it is amazing that, like, on top of everything else i'm also
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and also creating all these exciting educational adventures for my kids. and if i see one more instagram thing of, like, someone being like, "if you're thinking -- if you're needing something to do today or like if you're out of ideas what to do" -- and it's like, "nah, i have the ideas. [ laughter ] i don't have the time. i don't have the time or the willingness for my children to do the ideas >> seth: i don't even have the construction paper or the scissors or the tape and i don't wanna go out and buy those things >> you can't buy those things! those things are gone. there's no more -- [ laughter ] can you imagine right now if you're, like, hustingly and bustling to go out to but construction paper oh, man. >> seth: yeah, taking the risk risking it all for that. >> just like bumping imeo pewhen paper? people are going to be like, "get out of here, lady." [ laughter ] >> seth: so we -- we're obviously on opposite coasts
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right now. you're an l.a. person. i know you're just a new york person in l.a. >> i'm a new york person who lives in l.a thank you, seth, for making that distinction. >> seth: yeah, but we, you know, i think for me the last thing that felt anything close to this was a time where you and i were in new york which was 9/11 right? that was the last time that things were this scary and it was completely different because it was this awful thing. and then every day felt closer to normal. where this feels like every day is farther away from normal. >> totally this feels like this storm that just keeps almost happening and almost hitting but not hitting yet. and, you know, you're right.r. and it was different, too, because we didn't have kids. so it was like just taking care of yourself and your partner, whoever you were with -- whoever you were with. but it was like -- it just goes to show -- i love new york so much
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new york is hurting badly now. i'm feeling for it sending it love, thinking about it >> seth: isn't it true that you're reconnecting with new york by watching old "law & order" >> yeah, yeah. i'm watching old -- i've got to admit i do that anyway >> seth: yeah. >> but i'm watching it now with a new sense of appreciation for the way, you know, frisco roughs up the assailant and touches him. >> seth: oh, right there's a lot of -- the six feet rule is constantly violated. >> yes the other guy's taking the packages off the truck and then taking a business card from detective green with no gloves i mean, it's that kind of dangerous -- >> seth: do you -- you know, you were in new york for a period of time before "snl" where you were an actor you were a working actor in new york does it still bother you that you were never in an episode of "law & order"? >> all the time. i think about it all the time. i watch old "law & order"s just thinking about who i would have played
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and i'd like to think i would have been like a pyro, like a girl -- like a college girl who presents as very together. and then halfway through you realize, like, she set her professor's office on fire and killed him i feel like i would like to have been cast as a, like, a normal presenting college student who had an affair with her professor and lit his office on fire >> seth: did -- and do you feel like on the stand, do you -- was your -- is your breakdown emotional or very sort of calmly admit to it? >> oh, god that's a great question. do i get to the order -- i mean do i get to the law part of the show is your question >> seth: yeah, right but then, like, are you the one on the stand when sam waterston is grilling you that -- he makes you break down you're like, "i did it, i burned his office." or are you like, "very well played, mr. mccoy? >> well, first of all, waterston never grills he slowly -- >> seth: yeah.
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>> you know, every once in a while he gets upset! but he doesn't grill he just gently -- he just does his job. you know i feel like i would like to think i could be on the stand and do one of those things where, like, a moment where my eyes flicker and i say, like, "why are you asking so many questions?" [ laughter ] >> seth: that's really good. >> maybe you deserve to have your - >> seth: that's when the jury knows. >> and then the jury's like, "oh! and they all write down their -- >> seth: that's very good. they say when you're on the stand you never want to see a flurry of jury pens. they're never writing innocent >> when the jury starts nodding their head and taking notes that's not a good sign >> seth: hey, i want to talk to you a little bit more about your boys and how you're doing with them we'll be right back. with more amy poehler. >> where are we going? we have no where to go [ laughter ] >> seth: no, no. you stay there ♪
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♪ >> seth: we're back with our friend amy poehler true story, the boys are watching "parks & rec" for the first time >> yeah. that is pretty cool. it's pretty sweet. and i've, you know, i've been texting the cast to show them videos of the boys watching the show, which is awesome and it is -- and i don't just say this because i am on it. it is such a good show to watch right now because it makes you feel good. and it's about a bunch of people working together to solve problems but it's really funny because my kids are always like, "mom, what happens? and i'm like, "i don't know. [ laughter ]
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i don't remember i don't remember any of it it's one long blur i mean, i remember shooting the scenes and how i felt when i was shooting the scenes. but the actual story of episode to episode i couldn't even tell you. so it's pretty fun watching it again. >> seth: you -- we have been marco poloing a bit, which i enjoy. >> we have me and you and mike shoemaker, your producer, we've been marco poloing. and do you like marco polo >> seth: i do. i think it's really nice >> me too. you know why i realize i like is because face-time -- the young people really like face-time. i don't like face-time because you can't -- like, you're not really in control of it when it happens. like someone can just face-time you, right, out of the blue. >> seth: right >> and i like marco polo because you can decide when you want to hear people's messages and also you can fast forward people, which is what i always want to do is to tell them to go faster. >> seth: yeah. >> and they can do the same to me but it's a very -- i feel like it's a very gen x social app >> seth: yes
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but, yeah, that two times speed thing is -- true story i once said to a podcast host that i love that i can listen at one and a half speed and it broke their heart. and i didn't realize that a lot of people think that they are perfectly sound producing at the right level. they don't want to hear you sped them up. >> yeah. you don't ever have to tell them that you two times them. but, i mean, dude, everybody deserves that. >> seth: yeah, everybody deserves a two timer >> especially when you're like -- like, whoa, like, what a strange time it is right now it's like okay, okay, okay >> seth: are you also teaching your boys sign language? >> well, okay, so, like, i don't -- like, a lot of working parents out there are maybe going through this, which is just, like, my kids aren't learning anything. like, they're -- you know, because i will say the two things i didn't think were going to go away were touching and school >> seth: yeah. >> i thought those things would still be around. so because school is gone now and they're doing their online
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learning, i'm just stressed that they're not learning anything. so, i'm like, "you're going to learn one thing. so i'm teaching them the sign language alphabet. >> seth: that's great. >> yeah, and we're up to m and i make them do it every day to me. and that's it. i'm hoping they'll get in college. >> seth: that's great. you -- but that will give them something to do with their hands because high fives are out, right? >> high fives are done i mean - >> seth: maybe done forever. >> we love high fives. >> seth: you are one of the -- you are a great secret high five ace. >> thank you wow. that means a lot thank you. and i'm sorry -- >> seth: you are -- you kind of know that though, right? you know that about yourself >> i do know that. thank you. i do know that i also like that -- i enjoy handshakes because you know, my dad taught me how to do a good handshake. and i feel like when i shake people's hands, especially men, they're like kind of surprised
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that i have a firm handshake and you can get a leg up and you know i like to arm wrestle all the new people that i meet so - >> seth: yep >> i miss all those things >> seth: and not just that you like to get them -- you tickle with the other hand you're like a -- >> arm wrestling over. over arm wrestling's over so my friend rashida jones, she was talking about like, "oh, we're in a post-handshake world. and i had a bit of little grief about it because i do enjoy a handshake i mean, now it's going to be like -- you're going to put the hand out and be like, "ayy," like do the fonz like, you're going to take it slow >> seth: the fonz is back. this is -- you mentioned it briefly, but i do want to talk about the fact that your show "duncanville," animated show, is on the air >> yeah, it is on the air. you can check it out >> seth: and you play both the voice of a 15-year-old and his mother >> yeah. and duncan is, like, a 16-year-old, like, very average teenage kid who's frustrated by everything and his mother is, you know, in parking enforcement. and she is worried that her son
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is going to screw everything up. so they yell at each other a lot, which is fun, to yell at yourself >> seth: and that's with mike scully, who's one of the most talented, nicest, people in the world. best guy mike and julie, his wife, co-created this with me. and it's on right now. and you can catch it on hulu as well and you can catch "wine country" on netflix is still there. i just finished "moxie," which is going to be coming out on netflix. i think nick offerman and i are going to try to do some "making it" from home. >> oh, that's so exciting. >> yeah, we're going to try to do stuff so we can raise money for charity, of course and try to get people to, like, make things that -- you know, from what they find in their junk drawer. so we're going to ask the old makers from the show to help us. and nick and i will do what we always do, which is just kind of watch and be like, "hmm, what you making "good job. [ laughter ] >> seth: you do it better than anyone anyone on earth. all right. you guys, we're going to be right back with more amy poehler. ♪
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♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. senate majority leader mitch mcconnell gave an interview to conservative radio host hugh hewitt during which he claimed that the trump administration was too distracted by the impeachment hearings to properly respond to the coronavirus threat, which brings us to a segment we call "really?" with seth and amy. ♪ >> seth: really, mitch mcconnell? you haunted corncob doll the impeachment trial was too distracting? really you realize that trial ended back on february 5th and your boy was still out here calling the virus a hoax until about a week and a half ago. i'm not surprised you're trying to rewrite history since you made it clear you're not happy with some of the outcomes. i mean, really
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>> really? yeah mitch, you think your boy trump was too distracted to think about the coronavirus? he was on trial for selling the country down the river and he was still out there holding rallies and playing more golf than a san diego dentist he's a multitasker he's a new yorker. back in the day, he could bankrupt three companies in the afternoon and still have the energy to yell at his housekeeper when she set his tick tacs out wrong. he's a self-proclaimed genius who can hold many complex thoughts in his head at the same time really >> seth: really? and really, mitch? you albino river toad. we all know why you support donald trump and it's not was you respect him. it's because having trump in charge is like hav teacher i mean, really, you get to buck the system, break every rule and steal everything you can and there's no one to answer to because he fell asleep the second he hit play on the vcr. you're like those people who move into their dead grandparents' house and keep cashing their social security checks only not as classy i mean, really >> really? oh, and by the way, mitch, when
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trump heard about your little comment, he said, quote, "i don't think i would have done impeached. so even trump does not buy your dumb argument. that must feel like getting a note back in sixth grade with the "no" box checked you know, all right. don't worry about it, mitch. you're gonna be okay really it's not the first time people like you didn't get what they wanted >> seth: really? >> really. well, this has been another segment of "the world feels like it's ending and no one is in charge." >> seth: no, amy, this has been "really? >> are you sure this is not a segment called "the world's ending and it feels like no one is in charge?" >> seth: no, it's just "really?" >> really? >> seth: really. >> all right really virtual high five. >> announcer: this has been "really?" with seth and amy. ♪ so what will galaxy 5g really change?
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- 58 million latinos live in the united states. if we all participate in the 2020 census, we can ensure fair funding for our schools, libraries, hospitals, and other public services. the census is safe, it's confidential, and our community is counting on us to do our part. we know who we are and how vibrant our community is. let's make sure our nation knows it too. for more information, visit getcounted.com, and to participate, go to census.gov.
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♪ >> seth: hey, it's seth. now that we're up and running we're gonna keep it going with all new shows next week. we'll have new "closer looks," and monday our guest will be my old friend tracy morgan. we'll be right back with more "late night. ♪
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♪ thank you to fred armisen and the 8g band. thank you all for watching these shows that we're making from our homes. you guys stay in your homes and we'll all be better off. stay safe. wash your hands. we love you. see you next week. ♪
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> daniel: tonight on "a little late with lilly singh" - >> lilly: you know you had a good time when you wake up and go, "oh, my god. did i have sex with me last night? [ laughter ] >> daniel: and - >> lilly: i love indian food [ laughter ] what they meant was, i'm a hollywood executive and i don't know what else to say to you, lilly. >> daniel: plus -- >> lilly: aisha tyler and rob huebel at any point i want to change the story, i'm going to hit this bell [ ding ] >> well we started going out after that, and one thing led to another. [ laughter ] we're talking about sex. [ ding ] just being friends [ ding ] i'm talking about now, we are cops we're cops >> daniel: coming up
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♪ [ cheers and applause

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